Pt. 16 Stay With Me - Round and Round

William felt happier than he had been in a long time when he left Shane’s house.  They had spent hours since dinner texting back and forth and playing video games.  There had been an easy casualness to the whole thing.  There was no pressure, just comfort.

He didn’t think about any other part of his life even as he got home, greeted his family then made his way to his room.  He sat at his desk, turned on his computer, and waited for the familiar glow of the monitor.  It was just after eight, forty-five minutes before curfew on a school night and he still had homework to do but those were all minor distractions.  He set his mind to each task but he couldn’t stop smiling.  The smiling continued into the next day, through classes, and was with him when he showed up at Shane’s door with the homework assignments.

Shane invited him inside with a wave then led him to the living room where commercials played on the television.  He took a seat on the couch and invited William to sit beside him.

“Your mom out?” William asked.

Shane nodded.

“Your dad and brother?”

Shane nodded then picked up his phone.

<shopping. be back with pizza.>

“Cool,” William replied.

<Want to stay?>

William thought about it for a moment.  It was tempting to try and recreate what they had the previous day but it was also scary.  They were alone, at least for a few hours.  They could... no, it was too risky.  It would mean too much or maybe not enough.  And he wasn’t even sure if Shane liked him like that.  What if he didn’t?

“Can’t,” William said, “I have homework and my mom, after yesterday.  She wants me home early for chores.”

Shane shrugged.

He felt like he had already disinvited himself so he decided to go with it.

“I actually have to get going,” William said.  “When are you coming back to school?”

<don’t know for sure. Luke is supposed to be suspended until School Board meeting.>

“They have to have a meeting about it?  He should be expelled.”

Shane nodded and grunted through his teeth.

“I can’t believe that.  It’s not like it was a simple fight.”

<my mouth is wired shut>

“I know,” William said.

<my mom is supposed to go the meeting>

“That’s good,” William said.

<she wants me to go>

“Are you?”

<don’t want to but I will. I would hate to see him there.>

William winced at the text.  He could imagine how difficult it would be to see his attacker.  It would feel embarrassing and frustrating at the same time.

“That totally sucks, I hope she goes and she gets them to expel him.”

<me too>

William looked up from his phone and he felt as if everything had been sucked out of the room.  There was no emotion, no feeling left in him.  They had turned a corner in the conversation and he thought it would feel better if they left it alone.

“Well,” William said.  “I guess, I mean, I have to get going.”

He turned and walked from the room back through the house.  Shane followed him.  They stopped at the open front door.  It was warm outside, the sunshine still bright, and birds chirped.  William looked to Shane.  They stared each other in the eye.  There was a bond there that neither of them wanted to break.

“Well,” William said.

Shane held out his arms and grunted to signal that he wanted a hug.  William swallowed and looked out the porch where he saw the shadow of a large tree in the front yard.  Everything felt right and so he looked back at Shane and stepped in to hug him.

By their height difference alone it was easier for Shane to wrap his arms around William’s torso and for William to hold Shane’s shoulders.  William didn’t expect that Shane would grip tightly as if he was never going to let go.  It was a move William knew he would have never done first but as he felt it he tried to hug back with the same effort.  The courage of William’s move broke something in William’s being, his sense of self and fear.  It was a feeling he had always wanted.  It was a feeling he was afraid to want.

Then Shane relaxed his grip and slowly pulled away his arms and William did the same until they were apart and looking at each other again.  Both of them grinned.  The wind blew, the tree outside moved and its shadow fluctuated on the grass breaking the moment.

“Well,” William said.  “I guess I have to get going.”

He stepped onto the porch and walked to his car, looking back over his shoulder occasionally as he did.  He started the car and pulled away from the curb.  There had been something there between them, something that connected them in that moment, something he wanted to feel again but almost felt better the further away he got because it felt like a trail back to something warm and safe.