Pt 13 Stay With Me- The Get Well Card

The next morning William awoke with a happiness that surprised even him so he tried to reason out its creation and meaning as he went about his morning routine.  He concluded as he drove to school that the happiness was because of Shane.  For once he had someone with whom he could share his life.  They had been up until one o’clock in the morning texting back and forth to each other about their childhood, television and movies they’d seen, and their hopes for what they wanted to be, what they wanted to do after high school.

Shane had said he wanted to be an artist, or at the least work in the arts.  It would be easy for him to be gay in that line of work, William thought.  Maybe not if he was an actor or something, though that was changing, but Shane hadn’t said anything about acting.  He was more the painter type, or else maybe a writer.  Shane had said he like photography, and William had kidded him about really meaning pornography.  William laughed to himself because for once he could make a joke, a gay related joke, and it was funny not humiliating.

He pulled into the parking lot and to one of the last spots where he parked his car, picked up his two books with the homework folded inside, and headed toward the school.  Most everyone else had been waiting around for over half an hour because they had taken the bus or else walked but he had worked it into a science to get nearly the last spot and walk into the building just before the bell rang.  He was headed to homeroom when he spotted Mrs. Gallagher at the principal’s office, for a moment he looked away so he could pretend he didn’t see her but she waved to get his attention, summon him to her.  He grunted then headed to where she stood with another teacher.

“Good morning,” he said to them both.

“Good morning,” she responded.  “Do you have a minute?”

“I’m headed to homeroom,” he said.

“I’ll walk with you,” she replied.

They walked along the hallway and his happiness was quickly replaced with increasing levels of fear.  What did it mean to walk down the hall with her?  What would it mean if it had been Shane?  Just days ago he had tried to break off any kind of friendship with the boy and just last night they had texted like the best of friends.

“Talk to Shane much?”

“Yeah, he’s doing alright,” William said.

“I got a card for him.  I was going to try and get everyone from the group to sign it then see if you would take it to him.”

He perked up at the sentiment of what she said and looked to her as she smiled back at him.

“Why don’t you stop by at the end of the day?”

They stopped at the doorway to the classroom and William suddenly became aware that he was holding his books to his chest as if he were a smitten girl in a movie so he dropped them around his waist then tucked them against his side in one arm.

“Yeah, no problem,” he said.  “I’ll stop by.  I have his number too so I can give that to you.”

“Good,” she said.  She began to reach out for a moment to touch his elbow but stopped herself.  “Well, I’ll see you later then.”

They turned away from each other.  William stepped into the classroom and Mrs. Gallagher walked away down the hallway.  The rest of the morning William wanted to text with Shane but he had a feeling his friend was sleeping in, plus he didn’t want to get caught.  He waited until lunch where he had to play it casual with his friends as he sent his first message but when he didn’t get a response by the end of the period he powered off his phone and waited until study hall to check his messages.  There was a series of texts:

Decided to go shopping.  Went to thrift store.  Cashier woman thought I was skipping school.  Looked pretty conspicuous in my glasses and hat.  But I couldn’t stand being in the house.  Almost made me wish I was in school.  Not really.

William laughed to himself.  No one missed school, he thought.  He looked at the tile flooring, the aluminum shelving, and the steel framed windows, no one would miss it.  This was a place where only the teachers stayed year after year, each class more like the last.  He looked to the ceiling and sighed, one more class he told himself, only a few more months.

The last five minutes of the period were agonizing and then he managed to forget most everything for the first thirty minutes of his last class until the class had been given an assignment to write for the last ten minutes then take home with them if they hadn’t finished.  William managed to sneak a peak at his phone as the teacher read from a newspaper but there were no more messages from Shane.  He looked to the clock but there were two minutes left so he looked back to his paper where he had managed to write the first paragraph but didn’t feel like writing anything else.

Then the bell rang and William folded the paper and stuck it in his book.  He headed back to his locker to get a second book from earlier in the day then headed to Mrs. Gallagher’s classroom where he found she was alone at her desk grading pop quizzes.

“Come on in and have a seat.  I have the card but I’m still waiting on Brittany to come by and sign the card.  She said she walks home so she could do it after school.”

William was bothered by the thought of staying another minute let alone ten minutes to wait fro Brittany to sign the card but he shrugged his shoulders and made his way to the desk where he sat as she resumed her work.  He pulled out his phone and decided to text Shane that he would be headed over soon but when there was no immediate response he set the phone on the desk and looked to the doorway.

“Oh,” Mrs. Gallagher said.  “Could you write down his number?  Did you ask him if it was okay?”

William shrugged and said he didn’t think it would be a problem before he took out a piece of scrap paper from the back of one of his books and wrote out Shane’s phone number.  The world felt infinitely big, time slow, and all of his meaning empty for a moment before Brittany walked into the classroom with a smile on her face and full of cheer.

“Hey Mrs. Gallagher, hey William,” she said, “sorry to keep you waiting but I had to take care of some things.”  She walked to Mrs. Gallagher’s desk where Mrs. Gallagher had set out the card.  Brittany looked at the front then said, “awe that’s sweet,” before opening it and reading through the other signatures.  “It’s so sad,” she said before she pouted for a moment then reached into her purse and produced a pink pen.  She used the desk to write out a quick message then sign her name then handed the card to Mrs. Gallagher who too it in hand and read over the messages then furrowed her brow with a sudden realization.

“William, you haven’t signed this,” she said.

William perked up at the words then got up from the desk and crossed to where they waited for him.  Now suddenly he was the one taking up their time, he thought, and foolishly too.  He took the card and looked at the messages but somehow the words didn’t make sense as he looked them over, none of the messages really mattered to him, it wasn’t his card.  He wanted to write something clever and meaningful but was a loss for words and he realized he didn’t have a pen with him.

“Um, I need a pen,” he said.

“Here use this one,” Brittany said, “it’s pink.”

William frowned at her words making the two of them smile but when he thought about how he had reacted he opened his mouth and parted his hands in an act of confused apology to which Brittany laughed more and Mrs. Gallagher handed over her red pen.  William took it in hand and said it would work before he leaned down to write out his message but nothing sounded right and he didn’t want to take up any more of their time so he just wrote, ‘get well soon” and signed his name before handing the card over with the pen.

“Great,” Mrs. Gallagher said.  She placed the card in the envelope and sealed it.

“Hey do you think I could get a ride with you?” Brittany asked.  “I live right in Shane’s neighborhood.  Maybe I can even visit for a little.”

William said that it wouldn’t be a problem even though he felt the opposite.

“Great,” Mrs. Gallagher said, “you can both carry his books.  I didn’t know which ones he had at home to do his work so I borrowed all of them from his teachers.  He’ll need to bring them back of course.”  She pointed to the shelf by the window where eight books sat piled in the sunlight.

Pt. 12 Stay With Me- The Boy At School

William moved the food about on his plate as he sat at the dinner table with his parents.  He pushed at the collard greens with his fork.  His mother decided to start a conversation.

“I heard a boy was attacked yesterday in school.  I heard it was pretty bad.”

William’s eyebrows raised before the rest of his body.  This was it, this was the opening, this is how to do it, he thought.  I knew the boy mom, he was, is a friend of mine from the Gay-Straight Alliance, I don’t know why I went there but mom, I’m gay, really I am, it’s not a phase.  

“Apparently it was a couple of boys who attacked him.  Do you know them?”

“No,” he said, “I mean well sort of, they played sports but we weren’t, aren’t, friends or anything.”

“Did you know the boy?”  

He opened his mouth to answer that he did.

“There’s a rumor they attacked him because he’s gay.  I heard it was pretty bad.”

William inhaled deeply and looked back to his plate.  It could have been easy, he thought, but there was something in the way she said the term gay that made him uneasy.  Then there was the fact of violence.  If he said it right then she might think he could be a victim.  He looked down the table to his father who sat with an tired but inquiring expression.  But he couldn’t, didn’t want to, look his father in the eye then so he looked back to his mother.  It was easier to lie to her.

“I don’t know, I guess,” he said.  “I mean I heard that.”  He thought about taking it one step further and mentioning the rumors but then he worried that she would think it was true or possibly true and then maybe he would have deserved it.

“School is no place for fighting,” his father said.

William looked to the man who was proud of his pronouncement about the way things should be.  This was the same man who had bragged about the fights he had been in when he was young, not in school, but out of school.  The man who was proud to have been in boxing as a youth, raced his Mustang in college.

“They should have been in the ring with gloves,” his father added.

“Honey,” his mother replied stopping his pontificating.

William felt the urge to speak, to explain somehow to his parents how things actually were.  

“It wouldn’t have even been a fair fight,” he said.  “The guy who got beat up is like a hundred pounds soaking wet.  The other guys are real jocks on the wrestling team, baseball team.”  The thought of them, all of them at school the next day, the day after that made his blood rush to the skin.  If he had been there he would have had to fight them, all of them, and it wasn’t going away.  It was something he would have to deal with the rest of his life.

“Well, I just meant that we used to have rules about these things,” his father said.

“Do kids like him get bullied a lot?” his mother asked.

The question struck a nerve in William’s body.  Was he a kid like him?  He could have been, maybe he should have been.  He didn’t want anything to be wrong with it.  He thought about telling them about how kids like him get bullied, kids like him get attacked and pushed around in the halls, but he had a sinking feeling in his stomach.  

“I don’t know,” William said.  “I mean yeah, kids get picked on but it’s not always just kids like him.  I mean nobody really means anything by it.”

“Well those boys certainly meant something by it.”  William looked up to his mother who had somehow, he felt, gotten the upper hand in the conversation.  “And I don’t want to hear about you taking part in something like that.”

He furrowed his brows and he felt his heart quiver inside his chest.  He was shocked that his mother could have shown compassion yet think that he might have or could be involved in something like that.  He thought about the locker room with all the guys and Shane in the hospital.  He didn’t think he could have attacked him but he had taken place in other acts of hazing and other acts of violence, subtle things.  Would he have defended Shane in that locker room or watched his friend get beaten?  He didn’t want to answer the question.

Pt. 11 Stay With Me- Shane's Home

It was a strange drive as William tried to remember the way but as he pulled in front of Shane’s house he was happy that he was able to remember the route.  He got out of his car and walked to the front door where called Shane instead of ringing the doorbell.  He heard Shane pick up and a grunt.

“Sorry,” William said.  “Hey, I’m outside.”

In a few moments the front door opened and Shane stood on the other side smiling as best he could as he signaled for William to come inside.  Shane had less bandages on his face but the swelling was still significant, the skin was purple, black, blue, and yellow but both of his eyes were uncovered.  But he had an energy that was unmistakeable.  William stepped to the door, smiled back, and then entered.

“You look good,” William said.  He was suddenly aware Shane couldn’t answer him back.  “School sucked so you got that going for you.”

Shane nodded then signaled that William should follow him farther into the house.  It was an over decorated, over furnished house that William realized had a family room, a living room, three bedrooms, and a small office.  Nearly every room had a ceiling fan.  It was cluttered but it was also very clean.  

Shane’s mother stood in the kitchen reading directions in a cookbook as the partially mixed ingredients of a cake sat in front of her on the counter.  She smiled to William as he entered and asked him if he wanted anything to drink.

“No thanks,” William said.

“Are you sure?”

William nodded.

“Well are you staying for dinner then?”

Shane made an noise from his throat that William thought sounded like ‘mom’ which made him smirk that he would respond like that with his mouth wired shut.

“Ignore him,” she said.

He waved away the invitation and said, “I couldn’t.”

“We’re having cake,” she said.  Shane sagged his shoulders at the comment and she smiled.  “Well, everyone except Shane.  It’s his younger brother’s idea because Shane here gets to drink all the ice cream he wants all day long along with protein shakes and whatever else.  We have to make sure he doesn’t lose weight.”

Shane pursed his lips and furrowed his brows as he looked to William who smiled back.  Then he signaled for them to continue through the house.

“It’s tempting,” William said.

Shane moved to him and took hold of his hand then began to pull gently.

William knew he could win in the tug of war but he decided to go along with the gesture suddenly happy that he was holding Shane’s hand as he was led into the living room where the television was already on and what looked like a shake in a glass awaited them on the coffee table.  Shane looked back to the kitchen then pulled his phone from his pocket and gestured for William to get his out as well.

My little brother is in his room.  So we can watch some television.

William looked around the room.  He didn’t know what he had expected but somehow watching television wasn’t it.  He was glad when Shane sat then typed him another message.

Don’t worry.  Everyone knows I’m gay.

William felt his face blush as if he had just been caught at something.

Don’t worry.  They don’t know if you’re gay.

William sat down beside him.

You didn’t tell them?

Should I?

Shane motioned as if he was going to yell out to the house but all that happened was he made low groans.  William laughed then typed on his phone.

You’re such a dork.

Shane read the message and nodded.  William shook his head.

Anyone say anything at school?

To me?  No.

Good.  I heard they got suspended.  My mother says they are considering expelling them but she doubts that will happen because they're jocks.

William read the message and his heart sunk.  It may very well be true especially in a small town.  It was one thing to fight but this was a brutal attack.  He let his thumbs drift over the keypad as he was unsure how to respond.

“You boys are so quiet.”

William was startled by Shane’s mother’s words and looked to her.

“Sorry,” she said.

“We’re texting,” he replied then held up his phone.

“Kids,” she said.  “Though I guess in this case it’s a good thing.  Are you sure I can’t get you anything.  Shane you should really finish your shake.”

Shane looked to his phone and typed out a message for William to read out loud.

“He says he doesn’t want it anymore,” William said.

She shook her head and moved to the table where she picked up the glass and then headed back to the kitchen where he put it in the refrigerator.

Thanks.

“No problem,” William said.

Shane held up his phone and shook it at William.

“Sorry,” William said.

Shane shook his phone again then moved to type out another message.

Text it.

Okay.

So really.  No one said anything?

Not really.

William hated himself in that moment for lying about what he had heard and even though part of him felt Shane might be amused by the rumors he didn't want to be the one to say.

Too bad.

They probably will tomorrow.  Are you coming back to school?

Shane shook his head.

They gave me some good pain pills and my mom wants me to stay home this week.  Maybe next too.

Too bad.

I won’t miss it.

William nodded.  He sighed at the thought of Shane being out two weeks but he could understand not wanting to come back because he had ended up in the hospital.  He could have died.

Maybe I can just come back for the GSA.  That would be funny.

William smiled to Shane.

Sounds dangerous.

Danger is my middle name.

They texted for another half hour before William felt hungry and the smell of Shane’s mother cooking wasn’t helping but he didn’t want to stay because he didn’t want to explain to his family where he had been so he said that he had to leave and Shane walked him to the door.  He offered his hand to shake but Shane moved to hug him and he let it happen then he stepped out of the house and Shane watched as he walked back to his car.  He turned and looked back to house and he could make out Shane’s silhouette when his phone vibrated in his pocket.  He took it out and opened it.

Text me when you get home.

William smiled at the text then looked back up the house where he waved before turning back to his car where he got inside and drove away.

Pt. 10 Stay With Me- How's He Doing?

After lunch for the next two periods William heard more rumors about Shane and Luke and he was tempted to correct them somehow but he felt strangely guilty in the very notion that he might know Shane so he didn’t say anything.  He didn’t want to have to defend himself.  He was headed to seventh period, World History, when he saw Mrs. Gallagher in the hall and she signaled to him with a look of her eyes then a wave of her hand that she wanted to talk.  He looked up and down the hallway before making his way to her where she led him inside her classroom.  He breathed a sigh of relief when he found it was empty.

“Hi William,” she said.  “Did you hear about what happened?”

She moved into the room then leaned casually against her desk causing William to turn on the spot.  He felt lie he was giving a performance as he stood before the classroom of empty desks.  

“Actually, uh, I went to see him,” he said.  William felt tense in the throat and tried to massage it away.

“How’s he doing?”

“Shane-” William’s voice cracked and he tried to clear his throat, “he’s fine I guess.  His face is pretty bruised and his jaw is wired shut.”

“Oh my,” she said, “that bad?”

William felt uncomfortable trying to assess someone else’s situation, let alone Shane but he forced himself to speak.

“He’s a survivor.  He didn’t seem too down.  He was supposed to get out last night but I haven’t heard from him since.  He has my phone number though.”

“His mother got in contact with you then?”

“No, I just went to the hospital.  Actually Brittany told me about what happened so he must have contacted her.  She told me the hospital and where he ended up.  I just decided to go.”

She nodded.

“So you don’t have his phone number?  I just want to check up on him if it’s really as bad as you say.”

“No, I don’t have it,” William said, “I mean, I gave him my number but he hasn’t texted me yet or anything.  I don’t think he can talk.”

“Well, do you mind if I give you my number so that if you hear from him you can call me?”

“Um, no, that would be fine,” he said.

She moved around her desk and wrote out on a piece of paper her phone number then handed it over to him.

“That’s my cell phone number so, you know, discretion,” she said.

He held up the paper and said, “no problem”, before he began to walk away.  He heard the second bell for the beginning of class and rolled his eyes to the ceiling.

“Wait,” Mrs. Gallagher said, “I can give you a note.”

He thought about telling her not to worry about it but then he remembered the teacher’s policy and decided to take her up on the offer.  She was quick to write a note and sign it for him.  She stood and walked him to the door then took his elbow as he handed over the note.

“You be careful out there,” she said.

He smiled to her and shook his head as if to dismiss her concern but as he stepped into the hallway and heard the door close behind him he felt more alone than usual as he walked to class.  Before he had looked forward to seeing his friends and teammates, sure he didn’t get along with them all of the time but he wanted to see them, but things had changed.  He had a secret not many people knew about and it was something dangerous.

He sat through the next two classes in a fog, barely paying attention though that better than most even on good days.  He had long ago perfected the act of looking curious and interested while thinking about something else, though he couldn’t focus on anyone thing in particular.

When the day ended he walked to his car and sat in the driver’s seat for a long time as he waited for the rest of the cars to leave.  They had nearly all gone when his phone buzzed to life frightening him.  He pulled it from his pocket and looked to the display where he saw a text from a number not in his phonebook.  It had to be Shane.  He smiled and opened the message.

Figured you’d be out of school. Has that nightmare ended?

William opened a response and quickly typed with two thumbs.

It ended. Too slow of course.

Anyone talking about me?

William looked up from the phone to the nearly empty parking lot and over to the school building where he saw only a few students hanging around after the buses had left.  He thought about telling Shane what he had heard but he didn’t know how he would take it so he decided to be vague.

Rumors. Nothing 2 bad.

Good. Want to come over?

Pt. 9 Stay With Me- Implications

William drove home that night thinking about Shane’s face, the boys who had beaten him, and the fact that he had to go to school the next day.  No one was looking to fight him, he thought, at least not attack him like that, at least he hoped not.  But what was it that made them attack Shane?  He hadn’t asked.  He hadn’t been able to because Shane’s mother Anne was there and he wasn’t even sure that Shane was ‘out’ to his mother.  He was out to everyone at school, at least in a subtle, insignificant way, though he had gotten bolder.

The shirt, he thought, it was because of the shirt.  If he hadn’t worn that shirt then it could have been- he stopped himself from the conclusion to that thought because the shirt didn’t cause the fight- no, it was the boys, the fear and the homophobia, but that didn’t change anything because he was going to have to see those boys, see his friends, and then they were going to know.  I never should have went, he thought, I wish I could take it all back.

That night he made his way to his bedroom, did his homework and fell asleep with a book in his hands until the morning when he was awoken by his alarm clock.  It was a day just like any other but he felt sick, a little upset stomach and a headache.  He decided to make the symptoms out to be worse than they were as he made his way to the kitchen where his parents sat eating cold cereal and grapefruit.

“I don’t feel so well,” he said.  “Can I stay home?”

His father shrugged his shoulders and said he could.  His mother didn’t seem to give it much thought until she got up to get more coffee and she moved to him as he sat on the kitchen stool.  She felt his head with her hand.

“You don’t feel very warm,” she said.

“It’s my stomach,” he said.

“I don’t know,” she responded, “better take your temperature.”

“I have a headache too,” he added.

“A headache?  Well, maybe things will change if you get moving.  No nausea?”

He shook his head but regretted it instantly.  Nausea was the one thing that could have gotten him out of going to school.

“Tough it out,” she said, “take a pill for your headache and get some good breakfast.  I’ll write you a note about being late but I want you to go to school today.”

William felt worried by the prospect yet there was little he could do unless he just refused to go but then he would need an excused absence or else his parents would find out.  He sighed.

“That’s the best we can do for you kid,” she said.

He got up and walked from the room.  His mother moved back to the kitchen table where he heard his father ask: 

“What do you think test today?”

“Yeah, probably just nerves but he’ll have to learn to get over it.”

William took a pill as his mother had recommended and decided to eat a small breakfast before heading to school where he sat through his first four classes going through the minimal interactions he needed to complete.  He felt half asleep until he got to lunch where he sat at his usual table.  A collection of preppies and jocks, boys and girls.

“Do you know Shane Farmer?”

William looked to the end of the table where his friend Brad sat. 

“I heard he got his ass kicked yesterday because he offered to suck Luke Nash’s dick.”  He let out a laugh that made William cringe.

“Really?  He’s a faggot?” one of the girls asked.

“Apparently he’s in the Gay-Straight Alliance,” Brad said.

“We have a Gay-Straight Alliance?”

“Yeah, you know about that don’t you William?”

The rest of the table looked to William who stared down the table to Brad.  He had to do something.  He thought about defending himself by reiterating the second part of that title but he didn’t feel able to speak.  He raised his hand and flicked him off.  Brad laughed.  The rest of the table laughed though they were confused about why.  Had he really been there?  Was he really gay?

“Put that bird away,” a strange adult voice said from off to the side by the wall, “before I find a cage for it in detention.”  

William retracted his hand and looked to the wall where Mr. Wozniak stood with his arms crossed.  Mr. Wozniak was his Trigonometry teacher, a man who liked giving detention and demerits but he also had a sense of humor especially about profanity.  He would be on thin ice for the rest of the day, possibly the rest of the week.  Brad began to laugh even more making William look back in his direction.

Pt. 8 Stay With Me- Aftermath

A reality of small sensations was all Shane felt by the time he was ready to check out of the hospital.  An attendant wheeled him to the curb while his mother retrieved the car then the man helped him into the passenger side seat where he looked to the clock and was disappointed to see that it was after eleven and he felt hungry.  He wanted to stop at a drive-thru but felt the tension in his jaw and remembered he wouldn’t be eating solid food for weeks so he let out a grunt of anger.

“What is it?” his mother asked.

Frustrated, he shook his head and held up his hand because there was little she could do for him and there was little they could communicate as she drove.  He closed his eyes and was thankful that for once she was not persistent, too protective.  Let it go, he thought, just let it go and then he was partially asleep in a dark place where he could barely hear the world and the passage of time was unmeasurable.  He felt the vibration of the car and remembered the times he had fallen asleep in the back seat when he was young and how his father used to carry him inside to his bed then lay him out and cover him with a sheet.  His father would not be doing that tonight because he had gotten too big.  Then he was completely asleep, lost in a pleasant darkness, but somehow he still felt when the car came to a complete stop and the engine was turned off.  He shifted his shoulders and felt the reality again of his predicament.

“Shane honey, we’re here,” his mother said.

She placed a hand on his knee that made him open his eyes and sit up.  He looked to his mother who was partially lit by the white porch light.  Her face was calm.

“Come on, you’re too big for me to carry inside,” she said before turning away and opening her own door.

Shane opened his own door but he was tired and moved slowly, somehow the rest had weakened him, made him aware of all the sore parts of his body.  His mother, Anne, was quick to move to the area of the open door and hold out her hands.

“Here let me help you,” she said.

He mumbled a thank you then stepped out and leaned against her.  She moved with him away from the car, closed the car door and they began to stagger to the front door of the house when it opened and they both looked up to see his father who pushed opened the screen door and stepped onto the porch.  

“Are you guys going to be able to make it?” he asked.

“Can you come down and help us?” his mother replied.

His father stepped from the porch and walked to them then stopped and tried to assess his son’s face in the dim light.  He could make out a few marks, a swollen eye.  

“Hey buddy,” he said.

Shane grunted a hello.

“Let me pick him up,” his father said.  “I can carry him up the stairs.”

His father stepped and extended his arm down behind Shane’s knees and one around his back then lifted him from the ground and carried him up the stairs and into the house, down the hallway to Shane’s bedroom where he sat him on the bed.  Shane leaned into his knees and looked to his mother who stepped into the room.

“You should sleep now,” his mother said.  “Do you want me to get you a pain pill?”

Shane nodded and she stepped from the room.

“You’re lighter than I thought,” his father said trying to being positive.

Shane nodded.

“We’ll talk tomorrow but don’t worry you don’t have to go back to school.”

Shane looked down to the floor at his father’s bare feet.  He listened as his mother struggled to crush the pill with the butt end of a knife and his father’s breathing.  There was nothing else to be said.  There was no great thought.  Nothing that he could articulate.  Shane could have fallen asleep as he sat there but he wanted the pill.  

“Here it is,” his mother said entering the room.  She held out a glass of milk to him, a straw turned in the liquid.  “It’s the best I can do until I pick up your prescription tomorrow.”

He took the glass and stuck the straw in his lips then sucked down the milk letting it fill his mouth and worked it down his throat until the glass was empty.

“Do you want one of us to help you with your clothes?”

Shane shook his head.

“Okay dear,” she said, “we are going to go now.  Do you want us to leave the door open in case you need anything?”

He shook his head again then waited for them to leave and close the door behind them.  Once they had gone he struggled to pull off his clothes and get into bed with the covers partially covering him then turned off the light by his bed.  He wasn’t quite asleep when he heard the muffled voices of his parents talking loudly as they had done several times before and just like then he wanted to slip out of bed, sneak down the hallway to their bedroom and listen to them.  But he knew what they were talking about.  They were talking about him and part of him was afraid of what his father had to say so he decided to let it go.  

Hours later he awoke to a pain in his face, strangely the sinus cavities just behind his nose and it was enough to make him sit up, toss of his covers, and stagger from his room to the bathroom where he turned on the light and blinded himself in the process.  He closed his eyes and turned off the light.  Think, he said to himself, there has to be another way, and he remembered the bulbs above the mirror so he made his way to the sink then felt up along the wall to the switch where he turned on the light which was a softer, orange light.  He opened his eyes slowly, looked at the sink first then worked his way up to the mirror where he saw his face much as it had been in the hospital.  

Strangely as he stood before the mirror the pain subsided and for the first time he could see his body as well, black and blue marks where he had been kicked and punched, areas that had turned more than black and blue.  His skin had turned yellow, brown, and purple.

This is all real, he told himself.  Here he was in his house, in his home, with a swollen face, marks on his body.  He wanted to scream but he couldn’t.  He wanted to grab at something, hold something, break something, but it felt foolish because it would get his parents’ attention, attention he didn’t need.  He turned off the light then headed back to his room.  He stopped in the hallway when he saw his mother’s form in her bedroom doorway then continued on his way.

“Is he okay?” his father asked.

“I think he’s fine,” his mother said.  “I think he just had to use the bathroom.”

He stepped into his room, closed the door and crossed back to his bed where he resumed his best sleeping position, flat on his back.  That was how he felt the least pain.  He closed his eyes.

Pt. 7 Stay With Me- Shane, Rx

William found that he had been holding his breath since he had entered the hospital room and when he saw Shane’s mother there he stopped.  The curtain was partially pulled alongside the bed to divide the room.  He couldn’t see Shane so that meant Shane couldn’t see him.  He wanted to turn around and walk out of the room but she saw him, her eyes were locked on him in a focused stare.  He raised his hand in an impotent gesture, held it there and she smiled back at him.

She was not the woman he had imagined.  The woman that sat before him was large, obese but in a complimentary way as if that was who she was supposed to be.  She wasn’t ugly.  She was ordinary.

“Hi,” he said.

“Shane you have a visitor,” she said, “come on in.”

He walked past the first bed, past the curtain and stopped when he saw Shane as he lay in bed with his chest partially inclined and his face mangled.  His left eye was swollen shut in a grotesque, seemingly impossible fashion, a cut along his cheek, lips were cracked, red, and puffy.  His jaw strangely fixed into position.  Shane raised a hand in an attempt to wave at him and William couldn’t help but wince at the site.    

“Are you a friend from school?” his mother asked.

William nodded.

“You’ll have to tell me your name.  He can’t talk.”

“I’m William.”

“My name is Anne.”

“He can’t talk?”

“His jaw had to be wired shut because of what those other boys did to him.”

William didn’t know what to say.  Those boys, he knew those boys, they were two members of the basketball team he was a part of and one kid who was on the wrestling team.  They were mostly nice guys.  Or at least they had been nice guys.  They got rowdy sometimes, a little out of control, and they talked more than they were really mean, at least he had always thought that but then there was Shane there in bed.  

“They kicked him and threw him around that locker room like a rag doll and the other students didn’t do anything.  They just watched and some even took pictures of it as it was happening.  They say Shane tried to fight back but he was no match for them.  It could have cost him his life.”

William swallowed hard.  He felt compelled to speak.  He wanted to say something passionate, something that showed sympathy, but he also felt strangely political as he stood there because to anyone else he could have been one of those boys.

  

“I’m sorry,” he said.

Shane’s mother looked to him and he shook his head.

“No, I just mean...”

“It’s okay,” she said.

“Are you in class together?”

William looked from Shane to his mother where he suddenly wondered just how much she knew about her son.  Did she know he was part of the ‘Gay-Straight Alliance’?  Did she know that he was gay?  He didn’t want to out him to his mother, at least not like this.

“Yeah, we go to class together,” he said.

“And you came here to check on him?”

William nodded.

“We’re friends,” he said.

“Oh, that’s nice.”

Shane looked back at him from his one good eye and his hands flexed as if trying to distribute pain, to banish it and send it out from his body.

“Is he in a lot of pain?”

She nodded.

“He’s in a lot of pain.  They have the intravenous injections but they wear off.”  She looked to Shane.  “Do you want your friend to stay a while?”

Shane nodded.

“Do you want me to leave for a little while?”

He nodded again.

She leaned in an kissed him on his forehead then made her way past William and out of the room.  Shane pointed to the chair and William moved to it then sat.  

William had never been in a hospital before let alone for someone he knew, someone his age, a classmate.  He balled his toes inside his shoes.

Shane picked up a small tablet and pen that was in reach of his hand on the bed and began to write in a quick scribble.  He held out the paper for William.

How are you?

William smiled.

“I’m fine,” he said.

Shane wrote again.

Sorry we had to meet like this.

William shook his head.

Don’t feel bad.  

Shane looked to William and saw that he was on the verge of crying.  There was a calm, desperate feeling in the room, the empty space between people and things felt huge for both of them.

Would you hold my hand?

William smiled and he began to cry as he reached forward onto the bed and took Shane’s hand in his own.  Shane’s hand was strangely cold, bonier than he had expected but welcoming just the same as they worked their fingers into a grasp.

“I’m sorry,” William said.

Shane shook his head and looked ready to write something else but William held on to his hand.

“Don’t worry about.”

They sat in silence for another ten minutes when William heard Shane’s mother walking into the room and he immediately pulled his hand back afraid that she might see for too many reasons.  He wasn’t sure if Shane was out to her.  He wasn’t sure if it was what two young men did.  He didn’t want to be seen as being weak.  He didn’t want to be seen as being gay.  He looked to Shane who looked to his mother.

She reached for her son’s foot and touched it before looking to William.

“I know that Shane is very excited to see you but it’s going to be a long night for him and the nurse is on his way with another shot of medicine so...”

William nodded and stood.  He wiped his hands on his jeans.

“If you want to leave us your phone number then maybe you guys can text back and forth?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” William said before he picked up the pen and paper from the bed and wrote out his number.  “Text me any time.”

Shane reached out his hand and William took it briefly before he stepped away down the side of the bed and around Anne then to the doorway where he stopped.  He put his hands in his pockets and looked back.  There was nothing more to be done here so he had to keep moving.  He turned and walked from the room.

*****